We have recently become a community of more than one-thousand members--more members, more jokes, yay! I invite you to celebrate this occasion by posting some true funny incidents of your life.
The incident I recall was very embarrassing for me, but what is embarrassing for someone is often funny for others. So I hope you may find it funny. You will understand the whole story from this email I received in 2001:
5/4/09
5/2/09
E-mails - Save the trees!
What is it with these environmentalist people that keep putting
"Stop! Think! Do you need to print this off?" at the foot of all their e-mails.
It's just when I print them off.. that's the line that appears on the second page.
"Stop! Think! Do you need to print this off?" at the foot of all their e-mails.
It's just when I print them off.. that's the line that appears on the second page.
4/9/09
Some very good advice…..
Me, yes me scammed – of all people. Here’s what happened.
I became a victim of a clever 'Eastern European' scam while out shopping. Simply dropping into Sainsbury's at Winnersh has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or one of your friends. Here's how the scam works: Two seriously good-looking voluptuous 20-21 year-old girls come over to your car as you are packing your shopping into the boot. They both start cleaning your windscreen. Their large firm young assets almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts. It's impossible not to look.
When you thank them and offer them a tip, they'll say 'No' and instead ask you for a lift to another store, in my case, Asda at Lower Earley. You agree and they both get in the backseat. On the way, they start undressing, and both get completely naked. Then, when you pull over to remonstrate, one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts crawling all over your lap, kissing you, touching you intimately, and thrusting herself against you, while the other one steals your wallet!
I had my wallet stolen March 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, 24th, and 29th. Also April 1st, 4th, twice on the 6th, three times last Saturday and very likely again this coming weekend.
So Be Warned!
Me, yes me scammed – of all people. Here’s what happened.
I became a victim of a clever 'Eastern European' scam while out shopping. Simply dropping into Sainsbury's at Winnersh has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or one of your friends. Here's how the scam works: Two seriously good-looking voluptuous 20-21 year-old girls come over to your car as you are packing your shopping into the boot. They both start cleaning your windscreen. Their large firm young assets almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts. It's impossible not to look.
When you thank them and offer them a tip, they'll say 'No' and instead ask you for a lift to another store, in my case, Asda at Lower Earley. You agree and they both get in the backseat. On the way, they start undressing, and both get completely naked. Then, when you pull over to remonstrate, one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts crawling all over your lap, kissing you, touching you intimately, and thrusting herself against you, while the other one steals your wallet!
I had my wallet stolen March 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, 24th, and 29th. Also April 1st, 4th, twice on the 6th, three times last Saturday and very likely again this coming weekend.
So Be Warned!
4/7/09
A man was lying in bed with his new girlfriend
After having great sex.
She spent the next hour just rubbing his testicles -- something she seemed to love to do.
As he was enjoying it, he turned and asked her, 'Why do you love doing that?'
'Because,' she replied, 'I miss mine.'
She spent the next hour just rubbing his testicles -- something she seemed to love to do.
As he was enjoying it, he turned and asked her, 'Why do you love doing that?'
'Because,' she replied, 'I miss mine.'
4/2/09
Neck pains, headaches, dizzy spells
A man told the doctor he had severe neck pains, throbbing headaches, and dizzy spells. After a thorough examination, the doctor said there was no mistake about it -- he had only two months to live. The doomed man decided to spend all his money and enjoy his remaining life. First, he'd get something he always longed for -- a dozen tailor-made silk shirts.
While measuring him, the tailor said, "That's a size 17 neck."
"Hold on," said the man, "I wear a 15 1/2."
The tailor remeasured him: "You're definitely size 17".
The man insisted: "I'm a 15 1/2. I always wear a 15 1/2, and that's what I want."
"Okay," said the tailor, "but if you wear a 15 1/2, you'll have severe neck pains, throbbing headaches, and dizzy spells."
While measuring him, the tailor said, "That's a size 17 neck."
"Hold on," said the man, "I wear a 15 1/2."
The tailor remeasured him: "You're definitely size 17".
The man insisted: "I'm a 15 1/2. I always wear a 15 1/2, and that's what I want."
"Okay," said the tailor, "but if you wear a 15 1/2, you'll have severe neck pains, throbbing headaches, and dizzy spells."
3/18/09
D Is for Disagreement
In rebuttal to the June 2008 review of our book A Is for Almanac: Complete Lessons to Teach the Use of Reference Sources in Grades K-6, we take issue with several of the reviewer's points. Firstly, formal assessments, in the form of rubrics, are included in all of the curricular units. Worksheets used for reference book lessons can be collected and scored if formal assessments are desired on individual lessons.
As to the issue of the supposed lack of independent practice in some lessons, most library schedules do not allow enough time for independent practice. Independent practice is provided in the use of the reference games and in all of the curricular units.
Differentiation of instruction is a matter between the classroom teacher and the local school librarian, depends on the needs of the individual students, and cannot be addressed in a general book. Accommodations for English Language Learners are included in the lessons by using many visual aids.
The requirement to have 15 paperback copies of dictionaries, thesauri, almanacs, atlases, and two sets of encyclopedias is realistic for most school libraries. Using copied pages of reference books instead of the actual book severely compromises the learning experience. Reference materials are legitimate purchases under Title I programs.
Keeping in mind that the intended students are K-6, we decided to limit Internet searches due to firewalls, filters, and time problems.
As to the use of Wikipedia, we suggested it for schools that do not have subscriptions to online encyclopedias. We referred to James Giles's study that concluded that Wikipedia was accurate enough to be worth using.
The June 2008 review of our book in the University of Iowa's College of Education's publication Remarkable Education states, "This truly useful resource will be a welcome addition to professional collections for elementary schools."
As to the issue of the supposed lack of independent practice in some lessons, most library schedules do not allow enough time for independent practice. Independent practice is provided in the use of the reference games and in all of the curricular units.
Differentiation of instruction is a matter between the classroom teacher and the local school librarian, depends on the needs of the individual students, and cannot be addressed in a general book. Accommodations for English Language Learners are included in the lessons by using many visual aids.
The requirement to have 15 paperback copies of dictionaries, thesauri, almanacs, atlases, and two sets of encyclopedias is realistic for most school libraries. Using copied pages of reference books instead of the actual book severely compromises the learning experience. Reference materials are legitimate purchases under Title I programs.
Keeping in mind that the intended students are K-6, we decided to limit Internet searches due to firewalls, filters, and time problems.
As to the use of Wikipedia, we suggested it for schools that do not have subscriptions to online encyclopedias. We referred to James Giles's study that concluded that Wikipedia was accurate enough to be worth using.
The June 2008 review of our book in the University of Iowa's College of Education's publication Remarkable Education states, "This truly useful resource will be a welcome addition to professional collections for elementary schools."
2/3/09
willytop
A little boy is going to school when he is stopped by a stranger. The stranger tells the little boy, when his teacher asks him why he is late, just say willytop. The boy looks at the stranger oddly, but proceeds to go to school.
He arrives five minutes late, and his teacher isn’t that happy. His teacher asks him why he is late. All the boy says is willytop. The teacher looks at him horrified, and sends him to the office.
The boy arrives in the principal’s office, and the principal asks him why he was sent down. All the boy said was willytop. The Principal was so horrified that he expelled the boy from school.
The boy went home, to find his parents in the living. They told the boy they knew he was expelled, but they wanted to know why. All the boy said was willytop. The parents were so horrified by this that they kicked him out of the house.
The boy is now walking to dark town streets, when he is stopped by a cop. The cop asks him why he is walking the streets alone. All the boy says is willytop. The cop is so disgusted, that he kicks the boy out of town.
The boy is now sitting in a bar, and the bartender asks him why he is alone. All the boy said was willytop. The bartender looked at him horrified, but before the bartender could say anything, the boy says “Please sir, I was kicked out of school, my house, and even my hometown because of willytop. What does it mean sir?” The bartender nods, and tells the boy to come with him across the street, because if he tells him in the bar, the other people may get mad.
The boy and the bartender are across the street from the bar. The bartender opens his mouth, but before he could speak, a drunk driver hits them both.
He arrives five minutes late, and his teacher isn’t that happy. His teacher asks him why he is late. All the boy says is willytop. The teacher looks at him horrified, and sends him to the office.
The boy arrives in the principal’s office, and the principal asks him why he was sent down. All the boy said was willytop. The Principal was so horrified that he expelled the boy from school.
The boy went home, to find his parents in the living. They told the boy they knew he was expelled, but they wanted to know why. All the boy said was willytop. The parents were so horrified by this that they kicked him out of the house.
The boy is now walking to dark town streets, when he is stopped by a cop. The cop asks him why he is walking the streets alone. All the boy says is willytop. The cop is so disgusted, that he kicks the boy out of town.
The boy is now sitting in a bar, and the bartender asks him why he is alone. All the boy said was willytop. The bartender looked at him horrified, but before the bartender could say anything, the boy says “Please sir, I was kicked out of school, my house, and even my hometown because of willytop. What does it mean sir?” The bartender nods, and tells the boy to come with him across the street, because if he tells him in the bar, the other people may get mad.
The boy and the bartender are across the street from the bar. The bartender opens his mouth, but before he could speak, a drunk driver hits them both.
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